Archive for June, 2009
Have You Found What You’re Looking For?
Posted by: | CommentsWhen the song “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” first came out I used to sing it like a mantra. Lots of intensity and heart on my sleeve sort of stuff. “Oh, woe is me – I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, but
aren’t I a great person because I’m searching hard and trying hard and one day I’ll find it.
But now I wonder “what was this ‘it’ I thought I was going to find”.
In the days when I was single ‘it’ was a man. In the days when I felt overweight ‘it’ was a slimmer, sleeker body. And often ‘it’ was more money. Thing is I never found what I was looking for because as soon as I did, I started looking for something else.
When I first started consciously on the path of ‘personal development’ I spent a lot of time looking for THE answer. I would attend the latest seminar or read the latest book and decide that that was the ways things worked or, more often than not, that that was what was wrong with me. I’d follow the ‘expert’ advice for a few months and then discover holes in the theory or find it didn’t work for me.
Then, one day, having grown weary of searching for lofty goals I realised that all I wanted was a way to live my life that worked for me.
I didn’t want enlightenment, or to grow back my missing teeth (yes, I worked with one ‘leader’ who was attempting to do that). I didn’t want to live in a permanent state of bliss or surrender my body to alien walk-ins. (yep, I went to one of those seminars too – just curious!)
All I wanted, was a way to live my life that worked for me.
What I didn’t realise then was that this still left me searching for ‘a way’. By attending seminars, reading books etc. I was still looking at someone else’s way. It still left me vulnerable to cultural pressure and the assumptions and beliefs I’d formed due to my personal experience of life. Unconsciously, I was still being dictated to by outside influences.
Now, I’ve shifted into wanting to live my life IN a way that works for me. That’s a subtle difference. That brings my life back to the present and in this moment, there’s no-one else’s way but my own. I might choose to experiment with things I’ve learned from others but as long as I’m trying them out IN my life I’m still living my own life – making adjustments day to day.
My life is not so much about what happens in the future or what I believed in the past. It’s about how I live my life, today, in this moment.
Progress Report – June
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s been over a month since I started this blog so I thought it would be a good time to take a look back and see how things are progressing. Right from my initial post on May 7th, I’ve been writing to try and get clearer about what I want to do next and about what I could build a business around. Also, back in that original post I was wondering to what extent I was willing to “go public”.
Well the latter question has at least been answered. Over the last few days I’ve decided I’m ready to “come out of hiding” so have started adding my blog to the blog directories and will write some articles for the article directories, when I have time.
In relation to the question of what I want to do next, I’m beginning to move in the direction of restarting my coaching practice. I’m not totally sure at this point but am hoping to be clearer about that by this evening. More on that later . . .
Overall, my mood has improved considerably and I put that down to truly making a commitment to change. See my intention versis commitment post for more on this as this is a critical breakthrough. But that breakthrough only came about because I followed through on putting the strategies in place I described in my post – the trick is to get out of bed.
In the post do what you love I stated that I was going to put myself in front of as many opportunities as possible and I’m pleased with my progress on this. I went to the Mike Southon talk, even though I didn’t feel I had the energy and that resulted in my being offered a mentoring session by him at a later date, I’ve stopped watching television mindlessly and I’ve joined Club Fearless which led to the unexpected bonus of my having a coaching session with Michelle Pippin this afternoon. With her help I hope to get clearer about whether or not to restart my coaching practice.
Most importantly, perhaps, I’m beginning to reconnect with some of the fundamentals that make life exciting again. Hoorah!
So, where I am currently is . . . Committed to making changes in my life . . . which are evidenced by:
1. Writing a blog post every week day to help me stay aware of the process, learn new things and share them.
2. Taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves to me even when they take me outside my comfort zone.
3. Replacing mindlessly watching television with consciousess, more inspiring choices about how I spend my time.
4. Going for a walk every day.
5. Taking a step each day to further publicise my blog.
6. Listening to/reading inspiring stuff each day, especially if my mood starts to drop or I start to get scared.
Please feel free to comment and share your own list of things you’re committed to. You’d be surprised how powerful “going public” can be.
Daftest Excuses Ever
Posted by: | CommentsBack in 2003 I used to write a newsletter called the ‘Irreverent Leader’. This weekend I was reminded of a piece I wrote for it called – Announcing the ‘Daftest Excuse Competition’ – because I think I surpassed even this daft excuse. The piece went like this:
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Shakespeare most definitely had a point when he wrote “To be, or not to be, that is the question”. And I’m a great supporter of the philosophy of shifting from a life of ‘doing’ to a life of ‘being’ but sometimes there are simply more pressing issues.
Take my experience last night for instance. I attended the Christmas concert at my daughter’s school and found myself leaning towards rekindling my younger days’ passion for music.
I considered various options from the grand – signing up for a full-time music degree course, to the more modest – rejoining a local choir. The simplest option, however, seemed to be to start playing the piano again. And this is an example of where old William sometimes simply misses the point. What he really should have said is: “To cut or not to cut, THAT is the question”.
Let me explain . . .
I have the most beautiful, long nails on my left hand. Alas, it was not always so. Before having children my nails were always short because they split easily.
After my daughter’s birth they improved slightly and since my son’s birth they’ve been fantastic. Fantastic to look at that is because other than that they are totally impractical – even annoying. My son gets scratched by them. I make hundreds of typos because of them and, as I admitted earlier, I can’t play the piano with them. All I get is a lot of clicking on the keys.
In a nutshell, I’m willing to give up the pleasure generated by an activity that would feed my soul for the satisfaction of an occasional glance at my left hand which results in the sighed exclamation, “my goodness, you’re lovely!”
So, there it is. I admit it. The daftest excuse I currently subscribe to.
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So that was then, but this weekend I surpassed even that.
For a few days I’d been toying with the idea of signing up to Steven Chandler’s Club Fearless. But, although I didn’t realise it at the time, I hadn’t really committed to making changes so signing up to something that actually might make a real difference to my life was not likely to happen. (See my post intention versus commitment for more about this). Therefore, my subconscious needed to create some excuses to stop me signing up.
So I went through the whole sign-up process but couldn’t quite click the final button because . . . wait for it . . . it would muck up my accounting! Yep. I decided against taking a life affirming action today because my Paypal account has a credit balance that is in Pounds Sterling and the Club Fearless payment is in American Dollars which would make it more complicated when I came to do my accounts in January 2011! I kid you not. That seemed perfectly legitimate at the time.
Thank goodness I saw through my fear the next day and signed up. It gave me a good life though, which is always welcome.
If you have any amusing excuses you’ve used and you’re willing to share. Please feel free to add them to the comments below. And remember . . .
“There is nothing to fear except fear itself.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
Artists of Being Alive
Posted by: | Comments“The most invisible creators I know are those artists whose medium is life itself. The ones who express the inexpressible—without brush, hammer, clay or guitar. They neither paint nor sculpt—their medium is their being. Whatever their presence touches has increased life. They see and don’t have to draw. They are the artists of being alive.”
J. Stone
Came across this quote and it made me tingle. I have a deep yearning to be such a person.
Intention versus Commitment
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s easy to confuse intention and commitment. It’s often easier to want something than to actually get it. I’ve seen this time and time again both in myself and in my coaching clients. We say we want something but then don’t even begin to do what’s necessary to make it happen. A couple of reasons for this are:
What we say we want is not really what we’re after
What we’re really after is the result; what our yearnings would bring us, rather than the thing itself. We might say we want to earn 100K per year. But the 100k is not really what we’re after. What we really want is more freedom to do the things that matter to us, for example. But if we look more deeply we’re likely to discover that some of those things we could be doing right now. We don’t actually need the 100K salary to start them but we’re not doing them. And that’s because . . .
We Are Afraid of Change
We might say we want to earn 100K and that, looking deeper, we want this because we want more freedom. But, because we’re afraid of the change required of us we continue to wait, remain stuck and dream of the things we think we want. This is intention without commitment.
As an example, for a long time now I’ve been feeling disatisfied about my life in general, and about my work in particular. I’ve set many goals aimed at changing things but none have succeeded. I believe that’s because I had the intention to make the change but not the commitment. True change always requires stepping ourside our comfort zones and basically I’ve been saying, I’m disatisfied with my life, I want to make some changes, but I don’t want to experience any discomfort, doubt, failure or fear. Consequently, nothing has changed.
This time, however, I’m truly willing to move forward. Writing this blog is a demonstration of that.
Last week, someone I know, told me they’d been reading this blog and I was mortified. I even blushed! Whereupon another friend asked me why on earth I would write a blog if I didn’t want anyone to read it. The answer is simple. At this point I’m writing for me. But by making my thoughts/story public (even if I’m secretly hoping nobody is reading them) I’m reinforcing my commitment to making changes in my life. I am facing my fear of “being seen”. I am exploring the process of change in order to help me stay committed to it. Also, the element of being witnessed (albeit only a potential for now) makes it more real for me.
I heard an interesting quote on the Women Who Wow website where Michelle Pippin says “True commitment is evidenced by a structure that supports the results that you say you’re committed to”. This blog is a part of that structure. The key point in the quote is the bit: “that you SAY you’re committed to”.
You’re not really committed until you’ve proved it by putting in place a supporting structure. Until you do, anything you think you want remains an intention without the power of true commitment and, consequently, is unlikely to materialise.
What structures have you put in place that take you closer to your dreams?
