Archive for August, 2009
I’m such a softie Suddenly became aware of people looking at me this morning. They were concerned I was upset because I had tears in my eyes. Not so. I was watching the video below and was thinking – aaaaaaaah . . .
Amazing to think these 200 people only had 2 rehearsals!
I recently subscribed again to Mike Dooley’s “Notes From The Universe” after a gap of a number of years. I find they always bring a smile to my face and offer some simple inspiration for my day.
They are free, personalized emails written by “The Universe,” designed to remind you that you are the creator of your life and are unconventional, funny and deeply insightful.
The P.S. is usually the icing on the cake. Take today’s note as an example:
Oh, that’s easy, Gillian! You should have asked ages ago!
Let’s put it this way: To perform like a “star,” to steal the show, and to party with the “Gods”… take the stage, do the dance, and invite yourself.
Be the spark,
P.S. C’mon, Gillian, we’re waiting… and these shoes are killing me.
If you’d like to subscribe, click on the link at the start of this post.
Since writing my blog post on finding your purpose, I’ve been rereading Gregg Levoy’s book – Callings. I went to a seminar of his 8 years ago and was surpirsed to see that the things I’d written in my notes then were pretty much what I’d write today, with the exception of wanting to live somewhere else. This maybe suggests that these were indeed “callings” that I was getting in touch with.
In my earlier post, I mentioned the idea that we may have a choice in respect of finding life purpose. Similarly Gregg Levoy notes: “Calls are in our minds, big, and we feel we have to respond in a big way, which, of course, can be paralyzing. It is therefore important to remember, first, that a call isn’t something that comes from on high as an order, a sort of divine subpoena, irrespective of our own free will and desire. We have a choice“.
Also, “few people actually receive big calls, in visions of flaming chariots and burning bushes. Most of the calls we receive and ignore are the proverbial still, small voices that the biblical prophets heard, the daily calls to pay attention to our intuitions, to be authentic, to live by our own codes of honor”.
“The great breakthroughs in our lives generally happen only as a result of the accumulation of innumerable small steps and minor achievements. We’re called to reach out to someone, to pick up an odd book on the library shelf, to sign up for a class even though we’re convinced we don’t have the time or money, to go to our desks each day, to turn left instead of right. These are the fire dirills for our bigger calls”.
I find relief in the idea of “innumerable small steps”. It is something I can do now and ties in with living my life on purpose even when I don’t know what it is I want to do. Having said that, I notice that 3 days have passed since I wrote the post about my 4 week experiment about getting on with life when you don’t know what you want. And, although I have taken some action on using the opportunites that are in my life now, to consciously enjoy the present and create the future, I have been consistently ignoring the small still voice that is calling me to have more coaching conversations.
Today I will step up and attend to that voice that I am pretending not to hear.
Lately, I’ve been noticing that the more I have the thought “I don’t know what to do with my life”, the worse I feel, the greater a mystery it seems to be and the less energy I have.
During a phonecall with a friend I remembered that, yesterday, a co-worker had told me that she was reading “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” and she’d been thinking it would be much easier to apply “this stuff” if other people were reading the book with her and they were doing the exercises together.
Anyway, we ended up having a conversation about my running some sort of coaching/mastermind group locally.
And then I immediately forgot the conversation.
It wasn’t until the phonecall this morning that I remembered it. I’d been given an opportunity to create a coaching group in exactly the way I’d said I’d wanted to build a coaching practice, i.e. that my clients would ask me, and I’d managed to walk right by it. So that got me thinking . . .
What if I never know what I want to do in the longer term? That’s pretty much how my life has been so far and I’ve done some interesting and fun things. So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
What if there is a whole bunch of people, like me, who never know exactly what they want to do and, instead of wasting energy trying to work it out, what we really need to learn, is how to notice the opportunities and how to be ready and take advantage of them when they appear?
Can I be the owner of the PROCESS of my life rather than of the outcomes I want to produce? Can I use what is in my life now to propel me into the future without having to know what future it is I want to create?
There is so much good information out there about creating the life you want to live and even how to find what you really want but it doesn’t seem to work for me. Then there are all those quotes (Can’t think of one off-hand) that seem to say if you don’t know where you’re going you’re doomed to go nowhere. Well, what if there is another way?
So, this is what I am going to do for the next 4 weeks. I am going to experiment with creating my life from where I am and without knowing where I’m going. I’m going to pay more attention to what is present and, when opportunities occur which I’m not sure about I will say “yes” rather than “no”.
Bottom line I’m going to have 4 weeks off from being concerned about not knowing what I want and see what happens.
So much has been written about finding your purpose, discovering your true passion or living your calling and, over the years I’ve read many books and articles and attended seminars in the hope that I would discover just what, exactly, my true purpose is. I somehow thought that if I knew what this mystical thing was I could then dedicate my life to it and live happily ever after. But, I see now, that that seeking was a subtle form of abdicating responsibility.
Unconsciously, I was acting from a wish, if I could only find my soul purpose, I wouldn’t have to choose what I wanted to do. My calling would tell me what to do and I wouldn’t get it wrong. There’s an external feel to this – something outside of me that calls me to it. Something separate from my self. But, I suspect, that true purpose has to arise from within. Not be pulled in from outside.
So, that seems to leave me with 2 choices. I can wait until I’ve done the inner work and have discovered what my calling is or I can get on with my life and choose an, apparently, less grand purpose that develops and changes over time. I say “apparently” because I have it mentally set up that finding your purpose is a big deal and should lead to such lofty goals as world peace or otherwise changing the world.
Interestingly, when I mentioned to my coach that “all” I seemed to be up to at the moment was mothering, being in a relationship, being a friend etc., his response was “Proud and admirable purposes, all. They inspire courage, creativity and spirit”. Yet, to me, they often don’t seem enough.
“You don’t find your purpose, you create it”, he says. “Or you don’t. And you don’t have to”.
So, having freed myself from the finding your purpose diversion, I will get back to creating my life. I will shift my focus to answering the question – “what would I enjoy doing?” and then experiment with the answers.
This little gem on the subject amused me – “Lancelot told Arthur that he heard Camelot’s call from far off France. He was called to the Round Table. But was he? Or did he choose it? He could have gone fishing in Scotland instead”.