Author Archive
Past and Future – Here Be Dragons
Posted by: | CommentsI had my first 1 : 1 metoring session with Ed yesterday. After a tricky start with Ed trying to pin me down to a market and me fighting for ” freedom”, we finally found a way forward.
So, after the call, I settled down to the work and all was well for a couple of hours. Then the nay-sayers in my head started. But, I soldiered on with my work plan.
Then. this morning, the cacophony was so loud my eyes started to get a bit moist!
G I V E M E A B R E A K!
One day into the journey and I’m already questioning myself, doubting my choices, telling tales of failure and thinking about giving up.
Looking to the future holds endless imaginings of danger. Looking to the past reinforces the stories of why “this won’t work”. So I’m staying in the present today.
Doing the next thing.
One step at a time.
Phew. Another crisis averted.
Do The Next And Only Thing
Posted by: | Comments“When you end a day with the feeling that you would have lived it the same if you had the chance to repeat it, you gain a sense of gratitude that helps you focus on what’s really important to you. When you end the day with a feeling of regret or loss, you gain the awareness to try a different approach the next day.”
Steve Pavlina
Yesterday I spent coworking, which means I was pretty much sitting at a desk all day. By the time I left for home I was feeling frustrated with myself as I’d not produced much. My focus had been all over the place and I’d forgotten my own 45/15 rule for productive work. I’d dipped in and out of emails, written a blog post, checked stats, looked around some forums, messed around with a keyword tool, chatted on messenger, chatted to colleagues etc. etc.
By early afternoon my energy levels were dropping and I was feeling bored but I ignored my feelings and continued “messing” around.
So, as in the quote above, today I get to try a different approach. Here’s my intention for how it will go:
1. List what I want to get done today. (Completed)
2. Work with my 45/15 rule.
3. Focus on the next thing and the next thing only.
So, that’s me. I’m off . . .
Paint By Numbers Living
Posted by: | CommentsSetting numerical goals can be both a prison and a liberation. Having numbers to aim for, such as pounds to loose, miles to run, dollars to earn, books to read, fruit to eat, phone calls to make or words to write, can either turn into a “should”, leading to resentment and often giving up, or can help to motivate us or help us to adjust our course, as we work towards achieving them.
What makes the difference is our attitude and how conscious we are of our choices.
Here’s an example. Yesterday, I found an old exercise in one of my journals. I’d listed the things I wanted to create in my life. Then I allocated an amount of money to each of them, so I could see how much I needed to earn, on a daily basis, in order to have them.
I’ve done this type of exercise on a number of different occasions but it has never been that useful to me. That’s because I know that much of the lifestyle I desired couldn’t simply be bought. So, despite my best intentions, I’ve always ended up feeling the exercise was a bit pointless.
Today, I decided to experiment with a different approach. Instead of just writing off this process as useless, I asked myself how this exercise might help me rather than if it would.
I know from past experience that setting a numerical goal in a numerical context can be a great motivator. For example, when I wanted to pay off my credit card debt I drew up a graph with 3 different coloured lines. Two represented the amount I owed on two different credit cards and the third represented the total debt. The lines went from the left hand side of the graph showing the amount I currently owed to zero at the point in the future by which I wanted it paid off. Every month, after receiving my credit card statements, I plotted the actual amount that I still owed.
Having a visual numerical representation of my progress inspired me to keep going and to beat the goals I’d set. The second month, which was one with a lot of family birthdays, was the only one when I didn’t meet or surpass my targets.
So, in this situation, where my goals were easily quantifiable, making them measurable was hugely successful.
However, not all goals are quantifiable and even when they are, the way in which they are achieved is critical as to whether they feel like a prison or a liberation.
Creating a desired future lifestyle is never going to keep you motivated if the journey to it’s creation is filled with stress, striving or struggle. So it’s important to remember that the numbers are a tool – something to aim for – but they are not the destination.
The destination is the process. It’s about the journey itself.
So, bearing that in mind – how might the exercise of monetising a lifestyle be helpful?
1. It gives me something concrete that I can measure my progress against.
2. It gives me something concrete that I can measure my results against, so I can adjust my course if I’m no longer on target.
And . . .
3. When I have the experience of working towards the results I can see if I enjoy the journey enough to make their pursuit worthwhile.
Connecting the Internal to the External
Posted by: | CommentsContinuing the story from my planning from the present and combining past and future posts . . .
The exciting news is . . . I’m in! I’ve been accepted into Ed Dale’s mentoring programme and the first 1 : 1 session is on Thursday.
The first step was to create a pre-start questionnaire which was a little unnerving since a number of the questions didn’t really apply to my situation. I’m feeling a bit nervous about how Ed will view my approach but am also not going to waste any energy worrying about it in advance.
As I said when I applied:
I am fascinated by what makes people “tick” and why some of us are successful and others not etc. etc. AND I am fascinated by technology and the internet. I would love to be able to combine the 2.
That is the area I’m really interested in – where the 2 worlds collide. How can you be successful when it’s not lack of information/a system that’s the problem. It’s your habits/beliefs/behaviours/personality etc? And, can the “you” bit be built into the learning process? How can technology help us do that?
Apart from combining two fields I enjoy working in there is another exploration that’s important to me and that is living from the inside out versus living from the outside in.
My previous attempts at setting up an internet marketing business have been externally focussed. That is, the motivation has been the money I wanted to earn (external outcomes) and the tactics that would get me there. To be fair most of the courses are taught this way and after trying and failing at a number of them I realised that my failure wasn’t due to what the courses were teaching but to a lack of consciousness about what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I’m not alone. Thousands of people have spent thousands of dollars chasing the internet marketing dream but relatively few have succeeded. The money and the ease with which it can be generated attracts us but it is often an habitual reaction to the idea that money will make us happy. Even if that were true, we don’t stop and consider whether or not the promises of the get rich dream is what we want anyway. So we find ourselves chasing a dream that’s not really ours and then feel upset when we don’t succeed. The consequence of focussing exclusively on external goals without matching them to our internal values makes it impossible to keep going when the going gets though. So we abandon whatever we’ve been trying and move on to the next shiney, new toy.
Having tired of that I moved back to coaching last year but unwittingly kept loosing the plot when I made the same mistake, albeit in a different arena. Setting exclusively external goals was a road that led to low energy and confusion. But it also led to great learning.
So combining, the lessons of the two I can say that a lack of external structure leaves me directionless, listless and feeling unfulfilled while “enforced” structure, by way of a plan I’ve concocted (or bought) for it’s own sake, leaves me bored , unable to keep my commitments to myself and feeling unfulfilled.
So, I am approaching my year of mentoring differently.
Part of the deal for acceptance on the programme was to agree to create measurable, specific goals. Starting out they will be about building a subscribers list of people who are interested in exploring and consciously creating their lives and who enjoy reading and commenting here.
The mentoring will create a framework within which I can explore and challenge those beliefs/stories I tell myself that hold me back. The numbers will give me something more concrete to measure and to challenge myself with.
Even before the programme started I confronted the discipline of writing (or lack thereof) and committed myself to my 15 minutes a day goal. And, I noticed my tendency of constantly waiting for something else to happen before I begin and have made choices to start anyway.
I see this year as an opportunity to learn from a master in his field, to take a curious peep into a world I know little of, to hang out with interesting and inspiring people to challenge myself and to keep stepping outside my comfort zone. Internet marketing then becomes the structure within which I can experiment and dance with life. I am excited about what I will create.
You Are Already That Which You Admire
Posted by: | CommentsThere is a phenomenon in Jungian psychology called projection. The idea is that we project onto others that which we can’t/don’t want to see in ourselves. We see qualities in someone else that we ourselves possess. And, therapy being therapy, the emphasis is primarily on unacceptable or threatening feelings.
I have found the idea to be helpful at times. I’ve noticed that whenever I have a strong emotional reaction to what someone else says or does and I look at my own thoughts/ behaviour I can usually find examples of where I have behaved in a similar way. Not a particularly pleasant realisation. But one that helps me be less judgemental and to learn to take responsibility for my own experience rather than blaming others.
But what’s less talked about is the positive side of the equation. If we are projecting the things we don’t like about ourselves then maybe we are projecting the things we do like too and are equally unaware of them. This got me thinking and I invented a game I called ‘Mrs Projection Head’ (pun intended). To play you need to be willing to suspend judgement and assume that projection, as I’ve described it, is what is actually happening when we look at others.
Then, have a trawl through your mind and think about what it is you like/admire in others. Take a “walk” through your day and think about your friends, family, and people at work. You don’t even have to know them personally. Consider also celebrities, historical figures and characters in books. Which of all the hundreds of thoughts/stories you tell yourself about what they are like would you most like to be true of you? Which would you choose to focus on and strengthen? Which would you choose to develop? Who would you BE in other words?
Can you find examples of these qualities in your life already? By looking for them you will help to reinforce them in yourself. Even if you can’t see them chances are those around you can. Ask those closest to you if they can you give you examples.
Take that picture of all that is best in others with you as you go about your day today, knowing that in order for you to see that particular picture you must have those qualities within you first.
You are already that which you admire in others. You just haven’t seen it yet!
