Archive for Life Unfolds

Oct
06

To Thine Own Self Be True

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It’s been a month since I wrote a blog post and it feels even longer. It’s been a challenge and a struggle and the last couple of weeks have seen my mood spiral down but now I have come to rest. I feel like I am gathering my strength before I leap off again. All is well.

I’ve been reading a lot of Byron Katie’s stuff and doing The Work, with mixed results. The Work itself mostly brings me relief, whereas the more theoretical descriptions in books such as ‘1000 Names For Joy‘ leave me confused. There appears, to me, to be a contradiction between the spiritual approach and the idea that we create our own lives. It has caused me much angst over the last few weeks and I have struggled with it. However, I have learnt that nothing productive ever comes from struggle and I am happy to report that, today, I can put this seeming contradiction aside and just let it be, for now.

Another shift today, relates to the title of this blog post – “To Thine Own Self Be True”.

Since I joined the Coaching School in June I have felt a lot of stress around certain things. An example is that 4 or 5 different people, on separate occasions, have told me that they thought I was hard on myself, that I should try and treat myself the way I treat my clients, that I bullied myself etc. This feedback caused stress. But instead of questioning the truth of it I beat myself up even more for beating myself up in the first place. I never stopped to ask myself whether or not my being unkind to myself was true for me and, if it was, whether or not it was important to me.

Yesterday, when I finally got around to asking myself those questions I realised that I’m not really bothered about whether I beat myself up or not. Right now, I don’t experience my thoughts as hurtful or counter productive. What was really creating the stress was the thoughts I had about what other people thought about me. My interpretation of what they were saying was that it was wrong and it was the fact that I was doing something “wrong” that was causing me stress. So actually, the thing for me to look at was not whether or not I was beating myself up, because that wasn’t really important to me, but whether or not I wanted to be influenced by what other people thought was “wrong” for me. I simply hadn’t stopped to find out what was true for me but had instead reacted in a knee jerk way to perceived criticism.

As I journalled I found more and more examples of where I’ve not stopped to ask what is true for me.

Part of my coaching recently has been to find my relaxed place and stop trying to make things happen. I was feeling stress around this but didn’t stop to question whether or not this coaching was or wasn’t right for me. When I asked myself what the truth was I found that I was feeling impatient to enrol a new client and I had been resisting that impatience because I’d made the assumption that I couldn’t be in a relaxed place where I wasn’t trying to make things happen, and be impatient at the same time. However, the truth is – I am feeling impatient to enrol a new client. So, now, instead of trying to ignore that feeling I have acknowledged it and I’m exploring if and  how I can use it to help move me forward. By acknowledging the feeling, without judging it, it loses it’s power.

It seems to me that my mini depression of the last couple of weeks was brought on by my loosing touch with my inner truth. The coaching I was receiving, the books I was reading and the audios I was listening to were all things I wanted to hear and ideas I found appealing but in those moments when I tried to apply them they weren’t necessarily true for me. But I didn’t notice, such was my desire to have them be true.

Today’s another opportunity to create my life anew. To pay attention to what is true for me right now, to experiment with things that may, or may not be true and to question the truth of the thoughts that bring me stress. And I am grateful for it.

Categories : Life Unfolds, Mood
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Aug
26

Finding Life Purpose – Day By Day

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Since writing my blog post on finding your purpose, I’ve been rereading Gregg Levoy’s book – Callings. I went to  a seminar of his 8 years ago and was surpirsed to see that the things I’d written in my notes then were pretty much what I’d write today, with the exception of wanting to live somewhere else. This maybe suggests that these were indeed “callings” that I was getting in touch with.

In my earlier post, I mentioned the idea that we may have a choice in respect of finding life purpose. Similarly Gregg Levoy notes: “Calls are in our minds, big, and we feel we have to respond in a big way, which, of course, can be paralyzing. It is therefore important to remember, first, that a call isn’t something that comes from on high as an order, a sort of divine subpoena, irrespective of our own free will and desire. We have a choice“.

Also, “few people actually receive big calls, in visions of flaming chariots and burning bushes. Most of the calls we receive and ignore are the proverbial still, small voices that the biblical prophets heard, the daily calls to pay attention to our intuitions, to be authentic, to live by our own codes of honor”.

“The great breakthroughs in our lives generally happen only as a result of the accumulation of innumerable small steps and minor achievements. We’re called to reach out to someone, to pick up an odd book on the library shelf, to sign up for a class even though we’re convinced we don’t have the time or money, to go to our desks each day, to turn left instead of right. These are the fire dirills for our bigger calls”.

I find relief in the idea of “innumerable small steps”. It is something I can do now and ties in with living my life on purpose even when I don’t know what it is I want to do. Having said that, I notice that 3 days have passed since I wrote the post about my 4 week experiment about getting on with life when you don’t know what you want. And, although  I have taken some action on using the opportunites that are in my life now, to consciously enjoy the present and create the future, I have been consistently ignoring the small still voice that is calling me to have more coaching conversations.

Today I will step up and attend to that voice that I am pretending not to hear.

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Jul
21

Where is the Certainty?

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I’ve just read the Week 3 Reports from Steven Chandler’s Coaching School. It’s ironic that he introduced them by saying “week three’s reports are really FUN to read” because when I finished  reading them I ended up weeping uncontrollably for about 10 minutes – not my idea of fun!

As part of the School each attendee sends in a report, once a week, and then Steve gives us some coaching on what’s been happening and sends them all back to us as one document. So we get our own coaching and also to see what’s being said to the other group members (9 of us in all).

As I was reading through this morning I found myself grabbing something that had been suggested to another member of the group, then snatching something else that was written for someone else and growing progressively more confused because it seemed like one thing was being said to one person and something else to another. I wanted some certainty about what I should do next but I wasn’t finding any answers.

Then came my own coaching, part of which was “We create it all. All the moments. All the things we later label as “important” versus what we label as unimportant.  . . .  So all the labeling we do is usually out of habit, not accuracy.”

And I was left floundering. I’d been feeling that certain “important” things that had been happening over the past 3 weeks were “signs” that I was doing it right. By grabbing at the actions suggested to other group members I was attempting to find more ways to “get it right”. So where did that leave me? Sobbing. That’s where. Feeling lost and lonely.

So I got up and walked around. (Movement always works wonders for shifting your emotional state and I thoroughly recommend it.)

I came back and decided to focus on MY coaching and forget about what had been said to the rest of the group, for the time-being. So I copied and pasted all Steve’s responses to my reports into one document.

There was one theme running through consistently -you’re doing a good job with the blog. Keep at it. So, that’s good. I’m managing that!

But there the consistency appeared to end.

Last week I’d spoken about how I wanted to do things my way and building my coaching practice through the blog was my way – as opposed to actively going out and making proposals. Steve’s response to that was “It IS doable. Totally doable. I can’t tell you how many people contact me for coaching because they have just read something in my blog. And other people, too, have built their entire worlds around how popular and useful and inspiring their blogs are. Is it doable? VERY!”

However, in response to my report this week Steve said “I recommend you keep looking for real people to engage with person to person”. My intial reaction to that was that this was contradictory to what he’d said last week. However, I could do this by responding to readers comments on the blogs and, even if, I interpreted it to mean that I look for real people to engage with FACE TO FACE, it’s still not contradictory since things have moved on since last week.

Only yesterday I’d decided that building interest and community through blogging alone was a longer term strategy than I wanted. My experience with one of my clients this week was so good that I wanted more of it. And sooner rather than later. So I went ahead and booked a room so that I can run a mini workshop on August 5th.

So what have I learned from this . . . ?

That looking for the right way is not helpful. Looking for my way is better but only if I remember that this is evolving and changing all the time.

What is certain now can/will change in an instant.

Categories : Life Unfolds
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Jul
16

Vanity URLs and Stuff in the Garage

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Well that’s it. I’m doomed. My Facebook vanity URL has gone. Another Gillian Pearce beat me to it.

I’ve never really been that interested in using Facebook but my during a girls night in recently, my daughter asked “What one person would you like to see again, from your past, that you’ve lost contact with”? And that got me thinking about loads of people I’ve lost touch with and wondering what they’re doing now. So I thought it was maybe time to track them down and Facebook seemed as good a place as any to start.

But then I suddenly switched into internet marketing mode (old habits die hard) and I just knew I had to have my vanity URL. Basically, that’s your name at the end of www.facebook.com And, woe is me when I tried to sign up for it, not only do you need to have 100 fans (which I obviously don’t, being new) but it was already taken. So now what am I going to do? The more I stared at the usuper’s page the more essential to my well-being that URL became. Never mind the fact that I don’t even know what to do with a vanity URL anyway. I might need it in the future,  dammit!

Which reminds me of all the stuff piled up in my garage that I’m keeping just in case I need it at some future date. And all the stuff saved on my computer just in case. And all the notes I’ve written in all the endless notebooks from seminars I’ve long since forgotten I attended. And all the other physical manifestations of my “just in case” life. And I find myself wondering if there is an inner equivalent. Is all this holding onto stuff merely a reflection of my holding on internally? And, if so, what am I holding onto?

Hmmmm. Need to ponder that a bit. I’ll get back to you . . .

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Jul
10

Slow Down – You Move Too Fast

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I awoke this morning feeling energised but in a calmer way than that at the beginning of the week.

The last couple of days I have been in a panic – do I really want to take up coaching again, do I really want to help thousands of people (because that was what the email that sent me in a tail spin suggested), WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO DO?

The panic culminated in my asking my coach for help yesterday evening and just the process of asking seems to have moved me forward.

“Why the hurry”?

“Why the mad dash to know everything I want now”?

Maybe slowing down to what I want now, today, in this moment is enough.

I can have some ideas of what I might want in the future but that is all they will ever be as long as they are in the future – ideas. When they are being created in the moment they will be what I want but for now the are just ideas.

So, I’m going to have a peaceful kind of day today and slow it right down. In the immortal words of Simon and Garfunkel – I’m “looking for love and feeling groovy”.

Care to join me for a groovy kinda day? 🙂

Categories : Life Unfolds
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Life Moves Archives

Gillian Pearce – Life Moves

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About Life Moves

Life Moves is an unfolding story of my journey to discover and create what I truly want from life. I hope you will find my writings helpful, inspirational, encouraging, amusing or, at the very least, usually worth reading. Please feel free to comment on any posts about which you have an opinion. Or make one up. I do it all the time and it can be very dull, alone in cyberspace.

Bon Voyage!

Gillian