Archive for Mood
Interesting Question Relating to Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsFollowing on from yesterday’s post about mood and victimhood I thought this was interesting.
The Last Bastion of Victimhood?
Posted by: | CommentsI’m giving a talk/mini workshop on August 5th about the owner/victim distinction and I wonder is this the last bastion of my victimhood?.
In a nutshell, the owner/victim distinction relects how victim’s wait for life to happen to them and owner’s take control of their lives and create what they want. However, we’re rarely one or the other. We can turn up as one in one area of our lives or as the other in another area. And it can change at any time without us noticing.
One area of my life where I take ownership, but little action (despite my having made a commitment to this last week) is physical fitness. I know that if I exercise I will feel better and have more energy and that it is up to me to do this.
However, one area where I frequently play victim, is that of mood. Since I started working with my coach in June it is a topic that has reared it’s head a few times, especially these last couple of weeks and it always stops me moving forwards. (Hmmmm. Notice the victim language there? “it always stops me moving forwards”. More accurate would be “I often allow it stop me moving forward”). Yesterday I dragged myself around the house, ate comfort food and watched television feeling that I had no control over my mood. Or that if I did, it was just too hard to choose a different one.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, mood has long been a biggie for me. But this morning I felt sick of being at it’s mercy. Even if it feels too hard or I don’t quite believe that I have the power to change it I can commit to investigating what might be done and what works for me.
So let’s see where I’m starting from . . .
. . . one thing I believe is that low mood can be improved by exercise. There is plenty of research to show that this is the case but I’ve not tested this. I’ve already shown that, until now, I’ve not been totally committed to improving my fitness levels. I know this because I haven’t consistently followed through with my agreement with myself to walk every day. However, in order to do some of the things on my wish list I’ll need to be fitter. (See my don’t go back to sleep) post.
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Later . . . I can’t believe how hard I’m finding it to write this post. My energy levels have dropped. It is such a familiar, but unwanted space so, in the spirit of investigation, I’m going to leave it for now and do something to shift my mood – go for a walk . . .
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Later still . . .
I enjoyed my walk and it did, indeed, shift my mood somewhat.
However, there is still a sense that something is not right and I’m not feeling energised.
A friend of mine who’s been following my journey with mood this week takes the view that “it takes much more energy to hold a feeling out, than to let it in“. And that taking mood-changing action isn’t the point. She says “I think the point is (for me), to be with whatever it is. No distraction – no music, novels, TV, drugs, alcohol, shopping, telephoning friends, IF I’m only doing it to escape where I really am. Otherwise I’m splitting off part of myself and my life“.
So that’s another view, another approach to experiment with. And the best way to experiment with not being the victim of my moods is to bring curiosity to the table. What happens if I go for a walk? What happens if I sit with it?
I doubt that mood is the last bastion of my victimhood but it certainly merits investigation.
Looking For The Positive
Posted by: | CommentsI didn’t write a blog post yesterday. And, although I’m only just starting out and have only a few readers, someone noticed!
Now I’d like to think I could say “I didn’t write a blog post yesterday. So . . . shoot me”. But actually I’m experiencing a whole range of emotions from panic (that I’ll never write again) but hang on a minute I’m writing so, “phew”, I’ve got that one covered. To, fear that I’ve got nothing interesting to say and even if I had, someone else has said it better.
Then there’re the voices in my head that run along the lines “you never stick at anything”, “nobody wants to read this stuff anyway”, “who do you think you are”, blah, blah, blah. But if there’s one thing in life I’ve learnt it’s that beating yourself up is a complete waste of energy and serves no purpose other than to make you feel like **** and keep you small.
So, let’s look for the positive in this:
I didn’t write a blog post yesterday and someone noticed. Hoorah, hoorah. Someone’s out there reading and cares enough to tell me they missed my post. That’s brilliant since this is so new.
I get to adjust my strategy a bit. I was advised before I started, to have 30 posts in reserve for days when I couldn’t write, but I thought – “nah, don’t need that”. Hmmmm. Maybe I could do with a few.
Adjusting my strategy makes the whole process more interesting. It demonstrates I’m learning which is one of the key things I want more of in my life.
And I’m having fun writing this – another thing I want more of in my life.
So, who’d have thunk it! I didn’t write a blog post yesterday and I’m celebrating.
Ain’t life grand?!!!!
A Spiral Kind of Life
Posted by: | CommentsMy energy levels are neutral this morning – a rise from yesterday first thing. And as the dust has settled I find myself asking again “What is it I truly want”?
I started this blog as an experiment to try and discover what to do next with my life. Through a variety of twists and turns I came back to coaching. And now, I’m not sure again.
It looks a bit like being back at the beginning but, of course, it isn’t. Life is not a straight line. Or even a circle. It’s a spiral. So maybe I have circled back to the left side, which is where I began, but I am still at a higher level.
So . . . on with the enquiry . . . ”What is it I truly want”?
When Being A Grown Up’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
Posted by: | CommentsYesterday morning I woke up excited and raring to go and thought, hoorah, I’ve reached one of my goals (to wake up excited and raring to go).
This morning I woke up feeling low and spent most of the morning tempted to go back to bed.
“How did that happen?” I hear you ask.
Well . . . I received an email late yesterday afternoon. After reading it I felt like my wrists had been well and truly slapped. Tears came to my eyes and I just wanted to go and hide in a corner. I’d been doing so well . . .
This morning I tried to process why I had such a strong reaction to those particular words. I watched Byron Katie videos. I read inspiring works. I wrote “in my head”. I was transported back to a memory of an incident when I was about 5 or 6, whose theme I seemed to have replayed over and over in my life. And I sobbed. I mean really sobbed.
But, so what? Sobbing didn’t change anything. (Felt good though). And it wasn’t a new insight so I didn’t reach a new level of understanding.
So I hung out in the misery until I thought “sod this for a game of soldiers”. **** it! Who want’s to be a grown up anyway? Whereupon I reached for the Pringles, turned on a DVD and showed a finger to the world.
And now I feel great. I’ve got my cappuccino, my son will be home from school shortly, tonight is a family night that I’m really looking forward to. The angst will just bloody well have have to wait.
I’m playing.
