Archive for confusion


Where is the Certainty?

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I’ve just read the Week 3 Reports from Steven Chandler’s Coaching School. It’s ironic that he introduced them by saying “week three’s reports are really FUN to read” because when I finished  reading them I ended up weeping uncontrollably for about 10 minutes – not my idea of fun!

As part of the School each attendee sends in a report, once a week, and then Steve gives us some coaching on what’s been happening and sends them all back to us as one document. So we get our own coaching and also to see what’s being said to the other group members (9 of us in all).

As I was reading through this morning I found myself grabbing something that had been suggested to another member of the group, then snatching something else that was written for someone else and growing progressively more confused because it seemed like one thing was being said to one person and something else to another. I wanted some certainty about what I should do next but I wasn’t finding any answers.

Then came my own coaching, part of which was “We create it all. All the moments. All the things we later label as “important” versus what we label as unimportant.  . . .  So all the labeling we do is usually out of habit, not accuracy.”

And I was left floundering. I’d been feeling that certain “important” things that had been happening over the past 3 weeks were “signs” that I was doing it right. By grabbing at the actions suggested to other group members I was attempting to find more ways to “get it right”. So where did that leave me? Sobbing. That’s where. Feeling lost and lonely.

So I got up and walked around. (Movement always works wonders for shifting your emotional state and I thoroughly recommend it.)

I came back and decided to focus on MY coaching and forget about what had been said to the rest of the group, for the time-being. So I copied and pasted all Steve’s responses to my reports into one document.

There was one theme running through consistently -you’re doing a good job with the blog. Keep at it. So, that’s good. I’m managing that!

But there the consistency appeared to end.

Last week I’d spoken about how I wanted to do things my way and building my coaching practice through the blog was my way – as opposed to actively going out and making proposals. Steve’s response to that was “It IS doable. Totally doable. I can’t tell you how many people contact me for coaching because they have just read something in my blog. And other people, too, have built their entire worlds around how popular and useful and inspiring their blogs are. Is it doable? VERY!”

However, in response to my report this week Steve said “I recommend you keep looking for real people to engage with person to person”. My intial reaction to that was that this was contradictory to what he’d said last week. However, I could do this by responding to readers comments on the blogs and, even if, I interpreted it to mean that I look for real people to engage with FACE TO FACE, it’s still not contradictory since things have moved on since last week.

Only yesterday I’d decided that building interest and community through blogging alone was a longer term strategy than I wanted. My experience with one of my clients this week was so good that I wanted more of it. And sooner rather than later. So I went ahead and booked a room so that I can run a mini workshop on August 5th.

So what have I learned from this . . . ?

That looking for the right way is not helpful. Looking for my way is better but only if I remember that this is evolving and changing all the time.

What is certain now can/will change in an instant.

Categories : Life Unfolds
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Phew. What a day. And it’s not over yet!

Yesterday evening I sent in my “homework” for the coaching school which seems to have triggered another couple of breakthroughs. By the time I woke up this morning I needed to add an addendum because I’d already moved on from where I was last night and then, during the course of a conversation with a client, I had another breakthrough and realised that something I’d been puzzling over wasn’t an “either or” but an “and and”.

I felt a split between creating my coaching pratice “my way” and doing the usual marketing things like asking for referrals etc. But I was a bit suspicious about my confusion since feeling confused is always a cover up for being scared. So I asked myself “if creating my coaching practice the traditional way was the right thing to do, what would I do next”? And I realised that the thing I would do next, in this case putting up a web page describing the services I was offering, felt pretty terrifying to me. Now I knew I was on to something. So I decided then and there that, by the end of today, I would have just such a webpage up on my new site.

I’d brought a fear into consciousness and I wanted to see if I could blast through it. To help me I tapped into my spirit of adventure and came from a place of curiosity and not knowing rather than from a place of thinking this is the right thing to do. I allowed myself space to see what happens next (an approach that inspires me) and to sit in the not-knowing.

After much resistance which took the form of wandering around shops, returning library books and feeling way too tired to start writing anything I finally sat myself down, in a cafe and just put pen to paper. Once I’d written 4 paragraphs, that I wasn’t at all happy with, the words began to flow. And now I have a page written and ready to go live on the web.

It’s rough and unlikely to stay in it’s present form but it’s a start. The goal was to take action and thereby neutralise a fear, which is what I’ve done. And now I’m really curious to see what happens next.

If you’re confused about something can you get to the fear that is underneath? Can you choose to neutralise that fear by applying curiosity and creativity?

Please leave a comment and let me know how it goes.

Categories : Working Better
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Gillian Pearce – Life Moves


About Life Moves

Life Moves is an unfolding story of my journey to discover and create what I truly want from life. I hope you will find my writings helpful, inspirational, encouraging, amusing or, at the very least, usually worth reading. Please feel free to comment on any posts about which you have an opinion. Or make one up. I do it all the time and it can be very dull, alone in cyberspace.

Bon Voyage!