Archive for now
This week I am noticing a certain low grade anxiety arising – sometimes when thinking about specific things and sometimes it’s just in the background. I am waking in the early hours of the morning, feeling fearful.
As I continue to take action on the Internet Marketing project I am aware of an inner unease. There is change afoot and it’s challenging the safety of how I have lived for a number of years.
It feels like I’ve been on an ice rink, surrounded by a perspex barrier and, for many years, I have wanted something on the other side. But whenever I skated towards it I was held back by something I couldn’t see.
Sometimes I felt frustrated, trapped and depressed and at others, I just got on with my life. But throughout I felt safe. It was familiar and comfortable.
Now I feel I have somehow skated through a gap. I am on the same rink but I am outside the barrier.
I having been skating forward, into new territory. But this week I feel like I’ve been holding onto the fence whilst eyeing up the gap. I’m not tempted to skate back through it but I’m loath to let go my handhold.
I’m practising being OK with that – to just take a breather. But I feel I am only delaying the moment when I will have to let go and skate free.
And right there lies the source of my discomfort. The phrase “have to”.
I am split. Part of me holding on to all that is familiar and part of me yearning for something else unseen. And with the unseen comes the feelings of danger but also the excitement of life.
How can I tap into the excitement and (not sure what verb to use here – overcome, ignore, conquer?) the fear?
. . . . . .
And . . . briefly I am there.
I am excited that change is afoot. I am aware of being in this place for the first time in my life and that the barrier isn’t perspex after all. It is ice and it is melting.
I had my first 1 : 1 mentoring session with Ed yesterday. After a tricky start with Ed trying to pin me down to a market and me fighting for ” freedom”, we finally found a way forward.
So, after the call, I settled down to the work and all was well for a couple of hours. Then the nay-sayers in my head started. But, I soldiered on with my work plan.
Then. this morning, the cacophony was so loud my eyes started to get a bit moist!
G I V E M E A B R E A K!
One day into the journey and I’m already questioning myself, doubting my choices, telling tales of failure and thinking about giving up.
Looking to the future holds endless imaginings of danger. Looking to the past reinforces the stories of why “this won’t work”. So I’m staying in the present today.
Doing the next thing.
One step at a time.
Phew. Another crisis averted.
I’m sitting in a cafe, enjoying a capucchino when I read:
“People say that what we are all seeking is a meaningful life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking.
I think what we are really seeking is an experience of being alive”.
- Joseph Campbell
An I am reminded of another of my favourite quotes:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and then go do that.
Because, what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”
- Harold Thurman
My mind drifts off as I gaze out the window and I ask myself “what makes me come alive?”
The Simple Wonder of it All . . .
I notice yellow bricks on tall buildings and red bricks on tall chimneys and glass in windows so we can see out and I marvel at how we learned to create that. From caves to tall buildings that don’t fall over and have sloping roofs made from different materials from the walls and ornamentation for no other purpose than to make them look fine.
And then there are the cars – black ones, white ones, green, sliver ones and a red and yellow double decker bus where people can sit on two different levels, one above the other. Engines and gears and wheels and metal and rubber. And I marvel at how we learned to do that. From walking slowly on 2 feet to speeding around in metal miracles.
And then I notice the sea crashing onto the beach. The timelessness of it. The power. The constancy. The beauty. And my mind spins off to the miracle of being alive right now, right here, in a universe of wonderous galaxies and gazillions of stars.
Bloody hell. I’m gob-smacked!
What makes me come alive?
Simply noticing this. Just this!
Wow! Wow! A billion, trilllion times wow!
so . . . (cough, cough) . . . what makes YOU come alive?
Fell free to post a comment and let us know . . .