Creating My Life,  Mood

The Last Bastion of Victimhood?

I’m giving a talk/mini workshop on August 5th about the owner/victim distinction and I wonder is this the last bastion of my victimhood?.

In a nutshell, the owner/victim distinction relects how victim’s wait for life to happen to them and owner’s take control of their lives and create what they want. However, we’re rarely one or the other. We can turn up as one in one area of our lives or as the other in another area. And it can change at any time without us noticing.

One area of my life where I take ownership, but little action (despite my having made a commitment to this last week) is physical fitness. I know that if I exercise I will feel better and have more energy and that it is up to me to do this.

However, one area where I frequently play victim, is that of mood. Since I started working with my coach in June it is a topic that has reared it’s head a few times, especially these last couple of weeks and it always stops me moving forwards. (Hmmmm. Notice the victim language there? “it always stops me moving forwards”. More accurate would be “I often allow it stop me moving forward”). Yesterday I dragged myself around the house, ate comfort food and watched television feeling that I had no control over my mood. Or that if I did, it was just too hard to choose a different one.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, mood has long been a biggie for me. But this morning I felt sick of being at it’s mercy. Even if it feels too hard or I don’t quite believe that I have the power to change it I can commit to investigating what might be done and what works for me.

So let’s see where I’m starting from . . .

. . . one thing I believe is that low mood can be improved by exercise. There is plenty of research to show that this is the case but I’ve not tested this. I’ve already shown that, until now, I’ve not been totally committed to improving my fitness levels. I know this because I haven’t consistently followed through with my agreement with myself to walk every day. However, in order to do some of the things on my wish list I’ll need to be fitter. (See my don’t go back to sleep) post.

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Later . . . I can’t believe how hard I’m finding it to write this post. My energy levels have dropped. It is such a familiar, but unwanted space so, in the spirit of investigation, I’m going to leave it for now and do something to shift my mood – go for a walk . . .

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Later still . . .

I enjoyed my walk and it did, indeed, shift my mood somewhat.

However, there is still a sense that something is not right and I’m not feeling energised.

A friend of mine who’s been following my journey with mood this week takes the view that “it takes much more energy to hold a feeling out, than to let it in“. And that taking mood-changing action isn’t the point.  She says “I think the point is (for me), to be with whatever it is.  No distraction – no music, novels, TV, drugs, alcohol, shopping, telephoning friends, IF I’m only doing it to escape where I really am.  Otherwise I’m splitting off part of myself and my life“.

So that’s another view, another approach to experiment with. And the best way to experiment with not being the victim of my moods is to bring curiosity to the table. What happens if I go for a walk? What happens if I sit with it?

I doubt that mood is the last bastion of my victimhood but it certainly merits investigation.