I’ve had a very full on couple of weeks – lots of internal working and questioning of beliefs, stepping up to try new things and enquiring into the question “What do I intend to use my life for”? I’ve been pleased with my progress and with the mind shifting that has been happening but this morning I almost fell back into the old trap of over thinking things and believing my story of “I don’t know what to do”.
Last night I was catching a friend up on what had been happening and she was amazed (as I am) at how quickly things are shifting. But, even as I told the sotry I knew the real test would come this morning when I woke up with an empty calendar for the next three days. Because a big challenge for me has been how I live my life when seemingly nothing is happening. How do I fill the space? Do I even try?
And this morning, when I woke to the prospect of “nothing happening” over the next three days, I felt my energy begin to sink. So first I told myself “do not go there”. Then, I just lay quietly and observed my thoughts trying to sort this thing out, this thing of “nothing happening”. My mind came up with loads of ideas about what this meant and what I should do about it and then one question slowly arose that stopped the clamour of competing voices – “What do you want to create today”? Not in the future, but today. And I thought, but all I’ve got to do is a load of boring stuff – house cleaning, buying school uniform and sorting out a bus pass with my son.
All last week I was meeting new and exciting people, talking about exciting things and today, I thought, the only person around is my son.
WAKE UP !
When did I get to see my son as the “only” (as in no-one special) person around. As though my time with him were not as wonderful and exciting as all the people I met last week. Because he is familiar and he is in my life on a daily basis I have fallen alseep to his beauty, to the wonder that he is. I have fallen into the trap of the daily grind – fighting with him over computer games, getting him to do his room and turn off the tele. I have been loving him, yes. But I have not been creating something new with him. Something today, even more wonderful than yesterday.
So, when I got out of bed, I did so committed to creating a wonderful day today with my son. With the miracle that is my son.
And then, as if that waking up weren’t enough, I read a blog post on my friend Nick Smith’s blog called live now. He recounts how a prospective client of his was killed in a plane crash this weekend. It is another wake up call and ends with: