Creating My Life,  Mood

Planning from the Present

Returning to my blog after a fairly hefty absence, I discovered a comment, left by Chieko, on one of my “I don’t know what to do with my life” type posts, asking “How was your 4 week period?”. Hmmmm. I thought. What 4 week period would that be then? So I went back and looked.

On August 22nd I wrote a post which finished with:

“So, this is what I am going to do for the next 4 weeks. I am going to experiment with creating my life from where I am and without knowing where I’m going. I’m going to pay more attention to what is present and, when opportunities occur which I’m not sure about I will say “yes” rather than “no”.

Bottom line I’m going to have 4 weeks off from being concerned about not knowing what I want and see what happens.”

Well, the truth is, I seemed to have forgotten this idea pretty quickly, referring back to it just once more a few days after the original post. But it still appeals and it still inspires me. But more about that later.

On Oct 15th I mentioned a new project which I intended to write more about but which also seems to have been forgotten. And then there was the final burst – a new 28 day challenge I set for myself which would last until my return to Phoenix and the end of the Coaching School. But . . . you guessed it . . . that fizzled out too.
So, in answer to your question Chieko, my 4 week period disappeared down my good intentions plug-hole, while I was wandering off to pastures new. Actually, I wasn’t so much wandering off as lying down – literally!

The last time I posted, on Nov 13th, I said:

“So, now I have a choice, do I want to stay stuck and pretend to be playing the game or will I take the next step and create a plan? I choose to re-engage in my project and create a plan. So, once again, I reset my commitment to enrol 10 people on my 6 month coaching programme called – ‘When You Don’t Know What You Want – Make It Up!’.”

Hmmmm. Dropped the ball on that one too. I think it was the word “plan” that finally did me in because I had another really low period and even took to my bed for a few days. Not to worry though cuz, here I am again. Once more into the fray and all that.

So, back to that perennial question, where to from here?

Well, I think I can safely say that creating a 6 month coaching programme, right now, is a step too far for me. I don’t want it enough. But coaching itself is most definitely not off the agenda. It’s just the form it will take that’s uncertain.

Having a plan was enough for me to take to my bed and yet I’m finding that being without direction is equally demotivating. However, I think I may have found a way to have the best of both worlds and it involves returning to what I said in August: “I’m going to pay more attention to what is present and, when opportunities occur which I’m not sure about I will say “yes” rather than “no”.

More on that in combining past and future . . .


  • Pete Nash

    Dear Gillian

    You are an amazing human being. You have so many attributes already….like congruence. How many people do you know who ‘tell it like it is?’ There really aren’t that many I know. The majority of people only seem capable of shrugging their shoulders, projecting or denying any underlying angst they might be feeling. Of course there are a million reasons to act in this way; peer pressure, status anxiety to name just two.
    I think that your honesty and commitment to looking down the barrel of the ‘human condition’ is courageous and thoroughly commendable and it is an extremely hard choice to make.
    I’ve just come across your blog having Googled the question ‘What shall I do?’ The truth is I think these last forty three years I’ve been busy ‘doing’ muddling through and searching like some crazed existentialist for meaning and purpose. Life can be utterly crap at times and there really is no escaping it. Two years ago I took the first steps to train to become a counsellor. I have an interview soon to complete this training and quite frankly have never felt so alive and so scared at the same time. Perhaps ways forward involve elements of danger – to feel enlivened one must perhaps stand on the rim of the abyss and stare down into it. Not sure about anything accept feeling uncertain right now. But for all my nerves and indecision and the gut feeling to run I am going to do this – not because I may be any good, or save the world or for any altruistic reasons at all, but simply because I need to feel the danger and try at least to get some inkling of what it feels like to be human. I’m not sure that anyone ever reaches the point of completion, as we area all works in progress. Does anyone ever attain full realisation or become self-actualised? I think phrases such as these are unrealistic and only serve to keep psychologists and dare I say it counsellors in work. For myself there is no ending, no happily ever after, no pot at the end of the psychological rainbow, there is only continuous remodelling, reshaping, renewing; new beginnings and new endings.
    Can I just leave you with a great quote that kind of sums up the above – the following is from Emerson’s ‘Self Reliance’
    ‘There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried’

    Lots of love

    Pete x

    • gillian

      Hi Pete

      Thanks so much for your comments and contribution to my blog. As you can see it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted here. I shifted over to posting more on my internet marketing coaching site. Although that’s fallen by the way a bit lately as well.

      Sounds like you’re at an exciting point in your life. Have you completed your training?

      Focus on the feeling alive and don’t worry about the fear. Fear is only a thought!

      Best wishes to you for 2011.