While I was writing my report on Sunday I tried an enquiry into who I was being when I was in one of these moods. It went like this:
“Who are you being when you feel this way. (Low mood, down, heavy).
Someone who feels hopeless
That I’m never going to change
That I’m always going to feel this way
It’s like I see the truth of the victim/owner distinction but my history proves that I can’t change it. Other people can – my clients even – but not me.
And as soon as I write that down I think “WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH”! It’s laughable. (Owner)
But then I think “Oh yeah? Well, then why did you not choose to own your feelings this week?” (Victim)
And the owner replies. “Who cares about this week. I’m only concerned with now and I can’t stay here chatting with you. I’ve got cleaning to do before my guest arrives”.
I was amazed at how quickly I was able to shift my energy by getting in touch with the victim side of me instead of just believing I had no control over my mood. And suddenly I felt energised again. However, this type of work takes practice, apparently, as yesterday morning I was back again to feeling down.
This time the shift came by creating something a bit outrageous to focus on.
A friend of mine is visiting and we are both signed up to Michael Neill’s Creating the Impossible in 30 Days. We were both feeling a bit hurrumph and stuck so we decided we’d go back to day 1 and see how much of it we could get done before she goes home in a few days time.
We started by going for a walk and getting clear about our impossible challenge again. Then we came home and set to. We whizzed through day 1 and set 3 tasks which were required for day 2. We were also required to attack our goal with overwhelming energy. And, since we’d been so stuck earlier in the day this seemed even more crazy which made us jump around the room like mad things waving our arms and shouting “I’m wild and overwhelming”!
My 12 year old stuck his head around the door and beat a fast retreat muttering in his ‘I’m practicing being a teenager’ way, “Oh My God!” But even he couldn’t resist the energy and next thing you know he’s in the garage with my mate holding up her jewelights (long story) while she took photographs.
So, it’s plain to see that there’s more to this mood thing than it being something that happens to me. And I have a long history here. But that last night, before I went to bed, I wrote down the above quote and promised myself I would read it first thing this morning.
Not only did I read it but I also listened to my ‘Life’s Vitim Owner Choice’ CD, despite waking in the usual low mood. And next thing you know the mood’s lifted and I’m looking forward to the day ahead. As soon as I felt the heaviness I said to myself “I will not go there. My history has NO impact on me unless I give it new life this morning. I will not do that!” I didn’t even know what the “something else” was I wanted to give life to. But that didn’t matter. Saying “no” to history and the heaviness was sufficient to set a positive mood for the day.
If this is something that you can relate to I encourage you to give this a go and then to leave a comment and let us know how it went.