Life Unfolds

Where is the Certainty?

I’ve just read the Week 3 Reports from Steven Chandler’s Coaching School. It’s ironic that he introduced them by saying “week three’s reports are really FUN to read” because when I finished  reading them I ended up weeping uncontrollably for about 10 minutes – not my idea of fun!

As part of the School each attendee sends in a report, once a week, and then Steve gives us some coaching on what’s been happening and sends them all back to us as one document. So we get our own coaching and also to see what’s being said to the other group members (9 of us in all).

As I was reading through this morning I found myself grabbing something that had been suggested to another member of the group, then snatching something else that was written for someone else and growing progressively more confused because it seemed like one thing was being said to one person and something else to another. I wanted some certainty about what I should do next but I wasn’t finding any answers.

Then came my own coaching, part of which was “We create it all. All the moments. All the things we later label as “important” versus what we label as unimportant.  . . .  So all the labeling we do is usually out of habit, not accuracy.”

And I was left floundering. I’d been feeling that certain “important” things that had been happening over the past 3 weeks were “signs” that I was doing it right. By grabbing at the actions suggested to other group members I was attempting to find more ways to “get it right”. So where did that leave me? Sobbing. That’s where. Feeling lost and lonely.

So I got up and walked around. (Movement always works wonders for shifting your emotional state and I thoroughly recommend it.)

I came back and decided to focus on MY coaching and forget about what had been said to the rest of the group, for the time-being. So I copied and pasted all Steve’s responses to my reports into one document.

There was one theme running through consistently -you’re doing a good job with the blog. Keep at it. So, that’s good. I’m managing that!

But there the consistency appeared to end.

Last week I’d spoken about how I wanted to do things my way and building my coaching practice through the blog was my way – as opposed to actively going out and making proposals. Steve’s response to that was “It IS doable. Totally doable. I can’t tell you how many people contact me for coaching because they have just read something in my blog. And other people, too, have built their entire worlds around how popular and useful and inspiring their blogs are. Is it doable? VERY!”

However, in response to my report this week Steve said “I recommend you keep looking for real people to engage with person to person”. My intial reaction to that was that this was contradictory to what he’d said last week. However, I could do this by responding to readers comments on the blogs and, even if, I interpreted it to mean that I look for real people to engage with FACE TO FACE, it’s still not contradictory since things have moved on since last week.

Only yesterday I’d decided that building interest and community through blogging alone was a longer term strategy than I wanted. My experience with one of my clients this week was so good that I wanted more of it. And sooner rather than later. So I went ahead and booked a room so that I can run a mini workshop on August 5th.

So what have I learned from this . . . ?

That looking for the right way is not helpful. Looking for my way is better but only if I remember that this is evolving and changing all the time.

What is certain now can/will change in an instant.


  • steve chandler

    I love this blog post…and especially this paragraph!

    ” That looking for the right way is not helpful. Looking for my way is better but only if I remember that this is evolving and changing all the time.”

  • Nick Smith


    Certainty comes when a thing is repeated enough times with little or no variation and we know that when we do it again, the result will be the same..

    See my article for the particulars:

    You are doing great and your blog is one of your best tools. I feel it gives you an avenue to release you thoughts and ideas. Have you asked your readers to come to a live presentation with you wherein you can share your thoughts in person?

    You are a great story teller and I would venture to say the outcome would be quite positive?


    • gillian

      Hmmmm. I’m not sure that we can ever know “the result will be the same”.

      Thanks for the contribution and encouragement. I’m doing a live presentation, well mini workshop, on August 5th. Wish you could be there 🙂